Mustache May

It’s not unusual for the same guy to message me (or any other girl) multiple times with no response.  And of course they finally give up and just get mean.  This guy’s 4th and (hopefully) final attempt was kind of funny, but a complete 180 from his very sweet/mildly weird messages beforehand.  Let me preface this with my profile pic has me wearing a fake mustache in it.

why dont you wipe that thing off your lip? looks like you just gave road head

If I haven’t responded yet, what makes him think I would want to respond to that message?  Sure it was mildly funny if it was the only message sent.  But seeing as this followed up weird I want to settle down with you messages previously, I’m going to give this a big fat FAIL.

I think this girl has something on her upper lip too…

 

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Parental Advisory

The picture and title say it all, so you’ve been warned.  I did receive an explanation for this message when I “kindly” responded back.

“I wanna get a condom dirty with you.  Make it all nice and wet.”

I will not post what I actually wrote back because I’m a lady and I cannot repeat myself.  Anyways, he told me I should have a sense of humor.  Now I’m pretty sure I have a great  sense of humor, but I didn’t really find that funny at all.  Gross.  FAIL.

 

 


And we’re back!

I opened up the sites again, and was sad to say I had few interesting or humorous messages.   I received one the other day that said “your cute.”  Now, if you follow along with this at all you know how much I hate the incorrect use of your vs. you’re.  I almost posted it on here and went on a rant, but I held out.   I am so glad I did, and trust me you will be too!

WordPress doesn’t really feel like working with me on uploading a photo right now but it should have been a picture of Tom Green.  The reasoning behind this?  The guys name was Tom and he had bug eyes.  Duh.

On my profile I said that a certain book was next on my to read list, and apparently we both have that in common.  What else do we have in common?  Nothing.  Actually I won’t ever really know because I will not respond to this message.

Confederacy of dunces is also on my list…and like Hall and or Oates, your kiss is also on my list.

I’m sure he was trying to be funny.  Trying would be the key word in this sentence.  I think I took it more along the lines of creepy though.  This was just a small post, but I gotta get back into the groove.  It should also be completely obvious what song is going to be posted.




Parting is such sweet sorrow….

Well, I haven’t kept up with this blog much.  I also haven’t checked any dating site since my last post which was probably about a month ago.  I deleted most of the accounts I had anyways.

So I hate to say it but my blog is going on a little hiatus.  Probably until the end of the semester.  Then hopefully I’ll have time, and motivation to keep up with the messages and blog.

 

Til then…

 

If you guys still want to send in messages, go ahead- I’ll just copy and paste!!


What we have here, is a failure to communicate

This message I received shocked me a little.  I am by no means a skanky girl, nor do I present myself that way with my personality or the way I dress.  (Yes this information is pertinent to what I’m posting.) Most of my pictures online or any of these sites, are just normal plain jane pics or really oddball pics.  I didn’t feel like actually editing my Christmas picture so you can’t see my face, so I found this one on the internet instead.  I actually have a picture up of me and my brother in ugly Christmas sweaters.  Because that’s just me.  As Charlie Sheen put it best “That’s how I roll!”  So now with that lil background info, I’m sure you can see why I was shocked with this message.

Subject:  Your pictures are slutty.

Message:  So when are you gonna show me just how much?

WTF.  Really asshole?  FAIL!!!!! I can’t even tell you how quickly I clicked my favorite button on dating sites… “BLOCK.”  He made me want to delete that profile, but then I realized I wouldn’t have anything fun to blog about!! Duh.
Here’s what I’d love to do to this guy:


Get Real

I’m just gonna throw it out there- I haven’t actually used any of these dating sites for their real purpose in a very long time.  At this point I just keep them around for entertainment and to keep this blog going.  I saw the beginning of my message and realized that there are genuine guys out there using these sites to try and find their lobster in life.  I felt bad for about a millisecond because I use these guys to give everyone a few good laughs, but then I finished reading his message and went back to my original theory that every guy looking to date via internet, has douchey qualities.

Hi, I came across your profile and I liked it as your profile seems very genuine and real . I am not here for flings or to play games. Am an honest person who speaks my mind and loves to have fun with friends and family.I have my Masters and working for a multi billion $ company as an engineer.

There are some girls out there that care about money and are very materialistic.  If you’ve seen me in class in my sweat pants and G.I. Joe shirt, you’ll realize I’m not that type of girl.  Unless you’re trying to get laid, there is never any need to mention how much money you make.  You’ll either have a girl think you’re making shit up and come off as completely pathetic by using money to get girls, or you’ll have a girl that  most likely resembles the stepmom in Tommy Boy.  You don’t want either of those.  So for you, Mr. Engineer Billionaire, you get a big fat FAIL.

If you didn’t see this video coming, I’m pretty sure you haven’t learned anything from reading this blog.(Sorry this video won’t embed, but guess what- it’s well worth it to just click on that damn link and go listen!)


Head, Palm. Head, Keyboard.

 

Did you know you can put restrictions on what people can send you on dating sites?  Its great!  The best idea ever besides Jamba Juice.  I obviously have a restriction that you have to type a certain amount of characters before you can send me a message.  Tricky lil buggers try and get around it by pulling stupid crap like this.

Will you be my eskimo?  I like your Picture It is “professional” kudos!  I have to put fill in here now because you will not accept a shot message!  here goes  ;alskjfd2qe-2[3t]43iwrjgijfls igoj jwr[qwej ]rj ;akf64   wrg h356 y 35y as;ldkfj ;lkjf0we9u g g et r f a;lkdsjf ;ij 35y

I put that on there to keep the boring guys away who write “hi.”  I should probably put a restriction on there now for people who want me to be their eskimo.  FAIL.

I didn’t even watch this video to see if they show eskimo’s in it, but I’m assuming they do.  I’d suggest also not watching it because it will be stuck in your head for days…. DAYS!


Drugs R Bad.. MmmmK

[There is no picture for this one because I’m using the computer at work and with my luck will forget to delete any weird picture I save.]

If school hadn’t taken over my life (I just wrote life taken over my school) recently, I would have had a lot more posted on here, because apparently there are still a bunch of guys out there who haven’t given me a good dose of creep yet.  I’m a funny girl.  I like funny boys.  I have it listed on my profile as my headline “make me laugh.”  I guess you could take that several ways, or not, or something, shut up I’m tired.  I have it listed in my profile that I hate people who try to make me laugh and I guess I should have explained myself.  I meant- I like people who are naturally funny.  Not guys who try to be funny to impress girls, or think telling a knock knock joke is goin to sweep me off my feet.  Unless it has to do with corn in mop, then we’ll get along perfectly.  Poo jokes are always a winner in my heart. 

Just read my ad and I think you might laugh.  Write me any time i would like to chat.  Oh wow just read your ad and you want to laugh but you dont want people to try to be funy wow.  So how can they funny if they dont try to make you laugh lol.  Either i am really high or the acid trip extended to you last night lol.  Only joking but sorry i am trying to joke but not sure if this makes you mad or hell now i am confussed lol.  Seriously though for some clarity, I like making people laugh mostly women.  I am guessing this is better than me saying hi and lets chat lol.  Thanks.

Confussed?  I’m confused now. How’d you like that? Funny right? His run on sentences annoyed me more than reading his profile about how he is a rapper and poet.  What is with the Eminem types that I draw in?  FAIL.


Long Overdue

FINALLY!  A  message worth blogging about.
So we all know that there are various ways of getting someones attention on the internet.  There’s the infamous “poking” on Facebook, and dating sites have “winks.”  I received 2 winks from this “cupcake.”  Yes, his name has to do with cupcakes and he is 47 years old.  He winked at me at the end of January and I ignored it, then again last week which was also ignored, then I received this beautiful message from him.

Who we kidding? Let just tell each other the truth. Im here looking for a beautiful girl like you for a good time. I would like to meet you and have wild sex with you all night. If we have the chemistry and the sex was as good for me as it most definitly will be for you then we can meet up again and make a habit of it. Eventually you will figure out there is no other man out there that will give you 8 orgasms in one sexy session and fall madly in LOVE with me. Well what you think of that Darling???? NUM NUM NUM NUM

I just re-read his message to get the juices flowing (no pun intended) on how to sum up this message and I just have a completely disgusted confused look on my face.  WEIRDO!  FAIL.
*Update. He messaged me yet again.  You have nothing to say at all?  Talk to me darling.  You know your wondering whats this guy all about.Well among other problems, darling, your grammar is disgustingly hideous.  He also now changed his name to Buttercup from Cupcake.  No sir, you cannot butter my muffin.  Thank you, and good day!
I’m not too sure about the “num num num num” part, but here’s some NOM NOM NOM for you.


Almost there!

I could have probably found a better picture to go along with this post but it’s late and I’ve been painting all day.  The creativity has almost left my body.  The point I was trying to get across was that she was almost done… almost there.. get it? Well. Um.. Here ya go!

Your eyes are beautifully stunning, ur just a cuttie.

If you’ve actually kept up with my blog you’ll know that one of the first things I wrote about was grammar.  Trust me, I go through these sometimes and think “How did I miss a word?” or “That spelling is horrible!”  BUT I can’t help but still make fun of people for it.  If you want to edit these and make fun of me, go right ahead.  I’ll blog about it!
I can’t believe he started off so grammatically correct and then took a dump on my heart.  Cuttie? Really?  You go from “beautifully stunning” to cuttie? Ugh.  FAIL.