Seargant Pepper Handlebar Mustaches

Well, this is one of those random posts that can be funny or not.  It’s completely hysterical to me though and I’ll probably laugh while I type out this whole thing.  It’s also one of those posts that I’ll look back on and wonder why I actually went through with posting it.  This really has nothing to do with online dating though I have a good tie in for it.  Are you ready for it?……………. Wait for it……………. The guy whom with I had this conversation with, I met on an online dating site! ZING! So on with the show.

I met a guy online a few weeks ago and he is amazeballs.  He does live 900 miles away but I won’t hold it against him.  Recently my life has been a little hectic and overwhelming and I was in one hell of  PMS mood last night.  I knew if one thing would make me laugh, it would be hearing him say the word “water.”  Let me explain: He is from Jersey and has a handful of words I could selfishly listen to him say  all day just so I can get a good giggle out of it.   As soon as we get on the phone he said water and it was nothing but laughing for the next 2 hours or so.  Near the end of our call (when I had to really go number onesie [this is significant to later in the post] and get to bed) he decided I should blog about this.  So if you read this and don’t laugh once, you can blame him! I’ll post his name, address, and phone number at the bottom of this post- please send any complaints to him and keep them off my pretty blog!
We had a little recap and I actually wrote down what we talked about.  So in no particular order here is the most random phone conversation I’ve ever had.

Let’s start out with the story he tried to tell me, or maybe he was using this as an analogy, I don’t really remember.
So there’s this man, and he has 4 daughters.  1 is a Cherokee Indian, 1 is an African American man, 1 is a cop and the other is the slave from South Park.” I’m pretty sure he was trying to get me to understand what word he was looking to use, but from his first analogy I got “awkward” out of it.  Then he tried this and I don’t think anything came of it.
(I have no way to tie in any of these stories that he requested me to blog about so there will be no smooth reading in this, sorry.)
He also told me about this story how when he was younger, him and his sister had a parade with toys and his Michael Jackson doll (Yes, he had a Michael Jackson doll).  They used shredded coconut for confetti.  I really wish I had something funny to say here but I’m laughing too much so I’m assuming you’re doing the same.  Also there was more to that story I just don’t feel like elaborating, because as I said I’ll leave you his contact info and you can hear the rest from him.
This is when the conversation got serious and we talked about going number onesie, and that you shouldn’t talk about going number twosie.  Especially if you’re in bed naked going number twosie.   I explained girls don’t go number twosie though.  Well I guess some girls do, but ladies don’t.
I think this is where I’m supposed to add in that he does not do crack.
And now we have the part of the conversation that seemed the most odd to me.  I understand most of it was odd but for some reason this did it for me.  I’m not sure how this got started, and I’m also not sure what it was in regards to.   Something about rubbing logs together.  I thought he meant it as wieners but I feel like we were talking about girls before this, and then trees falling.  Either way I took it as he was gay and I think that’s why I sent him the Katy Perry video “Ur so Gay.”  His response was “I love Katy Perry!!!!”  FAIL. Just kidding!

This just goes to show you that I have been and always will be right.  There’s things you say in a first message like “U rule!”  Then there’s things you save until you’re completely sure the other person is just as weird as you are.  If he would have sent me any of this as a first message online, I would have probably figured he was on drugs and ignored the message and posted it here to blast him on the internet.  But now that I know he’s just a drug free weirdo, it’s ok.  And yes, he named this post.  I don’t really get it but why not let him have his fun via my blog?

Oh, he also told me about this TV show from the late 80’s that I have never heard of.  I’ll post the first episode for you, as well as a couple other.  If they don’t work in the blog I truly am sorry that you have to move your hand to your mouse and click on the link to watch it in another tab.  I promise they’re great videos though if that makes you more motivated to click a link.

And this is the best video to sum up either him or me. YES!

Oh and if you’d like to send him hate mail, love mail, or what the hell is wrong with you mail, please do so through the following e-mail address: onlinedatingfail@yahoo.com

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About bellaramone

Just an ordinary girl, in a not so ordinary online dating world. If you have any horror stories or wonderful messages from dating sites please send them to onlinedatingfail@yahoo.com and I will post them. Don't worry, completely anonymously unless you're wanting to warn us ladies about someone specific. View all posts by bellaramone

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