Making the first move

So like I mentioned with our Rock Lobster, I know it could be very hard to write a first message.  Rejection is rejection whether it’s online or in person and hurts just the same.  You want to make a great first impression and let the other person get a sense of who you are without being too overbearing or revealing any bad qualities.  This being said- we are here to help!  Here are the Top 5 6 Don’ts, when making the first move in online dating.  (I bet some of these can be carried over into real life too.)

1. gram·mar noun \ˈgra-mər\
C’mon guys, girls do not want to date guys who can’t spell simple words or use simple grammatical skills that we all learned in elementary school.  Here’s your first grammar lesson from ODF…  If you’re trying to compliment a girl and say, “Your cute,” well she’s probably sitting there thinking, “My what is cute??”  This is fine if you want to compliment her eyes: “Your eyes are beautiful.” Perfect! Now if you just want to be general and tell her she’s cute we would say “You’re cute.” Do you see what we did there? We used a contraction of you are to form “you’re.” “You are cute.” “Your eyes are beautiful.” Do you get it? I really hope so, for your sake of course.   As far as spelling goes… there’s this little button that usually says “ABC” with a check mark on it… CLICK ON IT! I may not spell everything correctly,  but there is this wonderful website where you can look up words and meanings.  In fact, I’m going to add it on my list of links for future reference when you try to spam me with your mean comments.  It’s always nice to have grammatically correct insults. (

2. It’s not a cover letter.
Let’s face it, you’re trying to get a first date, not a job.  True they are almost like writing the same thing, there is no reason to get these two so closely confused.   When you write a cover letter, you are hoping to hook a job as a permanent situation.  When you write a message to a girl to introduce yourself, be honest, you’re really just hoping for a reply back.  It’s important to be short, sweet, and to the point.  Do not go on and on and tell her in-depth about the classes you are taking, and why you are taking them, and what you’ve got out of them.  Do not go into detail of past jobs and achievements.  Anything you would put on a cover letter, DO NOT INCLUDE! Simple right?

3. Don’t be a creep.
Seeing as most guys on dating sites are creeps, this one might be hard to hold back from. But, I’m going to give at least one of you the benefit of the doubt and shed some light on this one. Let your personality shine through! Unless of course your personality sucks then maybe check out this site:  Anyways, you read her profile and hopefully there is something that struck your fancy other than her ‘bangin’ good looks, so let her know.  Was it her passion for rescuing baby sea turtles from the jaws of polar bears (yes, I actually got that from a message I received from a guy), or her unrequited love for sushi?  TELL HER! Of course add in a compliment, but try not to be too creepy about it.  Remember: short and sweet.  No need to go on and on about her smile and then tell her how you bet she has a really cute tongue too, and then talk about what she can do with her tongue. No, no, NO! You can get to all that after you liquor her up and take her back to your mom’s basement.  Remember, you just need to get her to reply.  Do not include any fetishes you may have in this first message, and also do not tell her anything about your sex life (or lack there of) or your porn addiction.

4.  If you don’t succeed, try, try again. Give up.
Sure that sounds like horrible advice, but it’s probably the best advice you’ll receive in regards to online dating.  I know that PlentyofCreeps and CupidSucks have instant messengers on there, and I’m sure you’ve used it before.  I’ll tell you this: It’s easier to be rejected by not having someone respond to a message in a couple days, then instant rejection via IM.  If you want to take the instant rejection route, go ahead- click that IM now button.  Just remember- if you do not get a response… stop. That’s it- GAME OVER.  Don’t IM again and use another form of ‘Hi.” Don’t IM again and ask them if they’re there.  Yes, they’re there- they probably just saw your picture or read your profile and have absolutely no interest.  Sure a girl may be a bitch in this aspect because they’re not responding, but do you really want to hear “Sorry, not interested” again, or would you rather her say nothing at all?  Our mothers brought us up right- “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”  This counts for messages too.  If a girl doesn’t respond to your message, don’t keep writing.  It shows you’re desperate and a little on the pathetic side.  Last time I checked, that’s not what any girl is looking for.

5.  Let’s [not] talk about sex, baby….
A lot of guys, not all, but a lot of guys are on dating sites to hook up.  And of course that means that girls are on there for the same reason.  However…. not every girl wants to see your attention whore of a wiener.  It’s usually not a good idea to just message a girl about sex.  Usually girls write in their profile what they’re looking for.  If it doesn’t say, “Hey, I’m horny- hit me up to get down,” then I probably wouldn’t be saying hey do you wanna see my lil guy? Gross.  Just gross. Also let’s go back to the fetish thing and say that it’s probably not a good idea to IM a girl and say “Ruin my nuts.” What does this mean you may ask? Well don’t worry, I asked him oh so politely as to what he meant and he politely asked me to step on his nuts.  Really? C’mon- go to (Craigslist casual encounters) for any of this stuff.  No need to bother women on dating sites with this if they have shown no previous interest in your skinny wiener.

6. You’re not as funny as you think you are
So personally, I have on one of my online dating profile’s, what my user name is since some people seem to take it the wrong way.  I also have some dislikes on there.  It is not, I repeat: NOT funny to say something or do something that the girl says she does not like.  For instance if a girl says she hates improper grammar use, it’s really not funny to write an entire message with terrible grammar.  1. She probably just thinks you’re an idiot. 2.  You’re probably just an idiot.  No one wants to put their pet peeves out there and then have someone use them in an effort to get an “in.”  And if you do by chance go this route, and get no response- well I’m sorry that’s your own damn fault and I have no advice for you.  Unless you come up with some cheesy line like “Your beauty stunned me into being the idiot male that I am and I couldn’t come up with anything good to say.” I mean at least then you’re being honest, but you still might not get a response.

So there’s my 5 6 tips on what not to say in a first time message.  Just remember, even if you follow all of these tips and get no response- don’t feel bad.  It’s probably just your looks.


About bellaramone

Just an ordinary girl, in a not so ordinary online dating world. If you have any horror stories or wonderful messages from dating sites please send them to and I will post them. Don't worry, completely anonymously unless you're wanting to warn us ladies about someone specific. View all posts by bellaramone

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